Blog posts

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  Jun 01 2008, 09:42 PM

  My Band

  

  They so good...they so good...i cut you...they so good.
  In fact i'm lucky they're just off enough to enjoy playing the unsound bundles of emotional instabilities i call songs.
  
  Every time a family member comes to visit me they hand me a wad of cash and say "eat."  More than one person have even asked me if I'm bulimic.  I'm like damn, was i that fat before?
  
  I call it the "band diet."
  1. move to bushwick so you have to run everywhere, either because you're late to things, or you're being pursued.
  2. I found myself in the grocery store about to buy those cheesy rice cakes and then i thought, i could spend this money on recording...so i walked out and ate a piece of gum.
  3. Try hard not to drink alcohol for as long as you can, but give in every once in a while, so when you do drink you get completely plastard.  This diet is sure to guarantee either success or death at an early age.
  
  Anyway, my band mate's are so talented...it's like how Jerry Seinfeld was the star of the show, but everybody knew it was all George, Kramar and Elaine that made it truly great.  In NYC it's hard for singer/songwriters to find musicians that are good let alone enthused about the music.  And for me, since my sorry excuse for self-explanation I call music is so close to me, it really touches me that such great players are willing to add to it and be into it.
  
  They asked me what "brown water" meant the other day, thinking it was either feces or Detroit water or some disgusting combination of both.  I figured I wouldn't tell them what it meant because I feel music is better when processed outside of a level of logical comprehension.
  
  And that's a rap.
  
  <img src="http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/4/26/1884906/psychoacoustics%202a.mp3" alt="psychoacoustics 2a.mp3" />
  <br /><a href="http://www.fileden.com";>Free file hosting from File Den!</a>
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  May 06 2008, 09:10 PM

  Hopefully No one will ever read these 4: Worn

  

  One thing that's got to be fixed in me is my issue with people thinking they're above me in some way. Like pretentious NYU students that for some reason think that because i sit two inches away from a computer, or pretty much dont partake in self-gloating, that i'm unintelligent, or just people in general...like people who stare and point their nose down....oh, or musicians that are just so much "better" or people that are into obscure music...hmm who else? Or people who think i'm ripe for walking on. And I'm like, aren't we too old to still be picking on and snickering at? Or people that say they've got your back one minute and as soon as shit hits the fan, they hit the road. Or people who just dont know what it means to trully forgive, or trully be sorry, or just trully care. Seesh. These are people i need to try to learn not to dislike and am having a hard time doing so.
  
  Is it a crime that i like to learn and keep modest? I'm like i don't even think about how much more i've accomplished then most people (w or without a disability) when i'm in these situations because there's no pont. I didn't achieve my accomplishments to prove myself to people, I did it because....well, i was bored so i wrote a book. I was interested, so i went to grad school, i was passionate so i started up a band...and now, on every corner I turn, all i see is nose hairs.
  
  This week's goal is to not want to restrain myself from shoving something up the noses, but not having the urge in the first place.
  
  A song about a few different people, and NYU and whatever else is getting me down today.  I killed that Djimbe though
  Wore Me Out . mp3
  http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/4/26/1884906/wear%20me%20out.mp3
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  May 04 2008, 10:01 PM

  "Sex And The City!"...minus the sex...and change the City to Just Harlem. So the title should read "And Just Harlem."

  1. I was in the grocery getting some crackers and singing like a weirdo, and bumped into like the best looking human being on the planet! and dropped my crackers.  He picked them up and said, 'you have a pretty voice.' i almost died and could barely say thanks.  I was so excited I put a post up about it on missed connections on CL bc i recently heard it worked for someone, and i got a bunch of weirdo emails like an hour after putting it up and had to take it down.  :(

  2. A guy told me i was beautiful and wanted to get to know me.  And being the weirdo I am, I said, "well if you dont know me, how do you know i'm beautiful?'..and he said something like, girls that are pretty and alone are usually psycho.  And the conversation soon ended..

  3. A guy started talking to me as we waited for the 4.  It was cool.  Then he asked if i wanted to go outsome time, and I was like "ok so how do we do this?" and he was like "Uhhh you give me your number and i call you."  with a big fat additude.  I figured he'd be the type to give my number to telemarketers, so i chickened out.

  I think I just suck at this.
  I should write a song about it

   

  I figured out how to post a blog to facebook/livejournal/wordpress and myspace/ilike with out having to copy and paste five times! And I learned that ppl actually read these since several ppl asked me i'm alright because of 'em. I'm fine. I really just write these for myself, to document any  self-improvement.
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  Apr 27 2008, 02:46 AM

  Hopefully No one will ever read these 3: 420 - Screwing around on the guitar

  

  420 - Screwing around on the guitar
  Yeah, so while cleaning out my protools folder, i found a file of me screwing around on the guitar on 4/20, smart enough to record it for once so i could actually do something with the ideas instead of forget them:
  
  http://www.fileden.com/files/2008/4/26/1884906/420GuitarMusic.mp3
  
  
  But that's the epitome of me in a nutshell...or mp3. I'm a happy person that writes sad songs, or a sad person that writes happy songs...either way, i'm a person that writes songs. I constantly write songs at random, all the time, even if it never hits the paper. People are only eloquent in the language they feel most comfortable, and I feel most comfortable in that of music. I'm not the greatest musician, but i think i'm so immersed in music that my musical flaws are overpowered by that muse, that world I enter.
  
  Oh and I still love Obama.
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  Apr 14 2008, 11:48 PM

  Hopefully No one will ever read these 2: The Red Tide

  

  Not angry stressed, just tired stressed.

  Behind in school work, swamped with band stuff, burdened with apartment hunting, splitting with dude, realizing music and rent don't work well together so job hunting which catch-twenty-twoes me into more school work sufferage...all on the red tide. 

  Preoccupied with his hurtful words.  Something along the lines of a truth i'm not trying to accept.  A realization that i maybe am not the muse of at-the-core goodness i thought i was.  It's never easy to find yourself when you're trapped alone in an empty room wih nothing but your reflection in the eyes of one other.

  Well, it's at the point where it wants me out, not just him, but the general forces of trying to save the beautiful love i know we have.  We just need time.  Time heals, and though the only constant in this world, it changes everything. 

   
• 

  Apr 07 2008, 01:46 PM

  Hopefully No one will ever read these 1

  

  I'm not good at blogging because i can't keep up with it. I wish i could blog in one place and syndicate it to all the other places i want to blog. I mean i guess i could copy and paste it, but then it would be like...'wow, she copied and pasted it,' but if it was automatically syndicated it would be like...'oh cool i didn't know they could do that.'

  I also hate blogging because no matter how true i try to be to keeping it as diary-ealistic as possible, i always end up writing as if someone else is going to read it. I find a good way to get over that is to write while listening to some good soothing music that gets me in the mood for writing. I've been listening to my piano-list on itunes and right now the song "illusion" is playing that I'd written which inspired me to writing right now.

  I wrote that song after listening to a song by My Chemical Romance and another song by Radio Head and a song by Regina Spektor. i kinda said to myself, how can I squeeze the songs "Helena" "Karma Police" and "Sampson" all into one song. And "Illusion" came up, all tho it's more of a delusion because those guys and their songs are amazing, but I'll have to say i did alright.

  I can't believe I said diary-ealistic. Because i usually hate when people combine words....like GObama.